The Unicorn Dilema

Why are unicorns a trend for babies? I love a good mythical magical creature as much as the next person, perhaps more, but unicorns are simply a horrendous idea for children under a certain age. Here, have this stuffed animal with a really pointy thing on the top. Enjoy your eyesight while you can small child, for it will be poked out in no time due to your adorable current lack of hand-eye coordination.

As someone who will spend an uncanny amount of time baby-proofing, and parents know children enjoy helping you discover new things to baby proof for months after you thought you were done, why would I intentionally give my baby anything with a pointy horn on it?

Obviously the solution here is simple… don’t give your kids unicorns until you are reasonably certain they won’t poke themselves in the eyeballs with the horn. However, considering every baby list, registry, gift idea page blog and Pintrest board has age 0-3 month unicorn toys, lovies, stuffed animals, and other, the unicorn trend is basically unavoidable. I know for a fact we didn’t list unicorn or glitter themed anything for our child and yet we have at least three in the closet somewhere.

Clearly unicorns and their toy forms have been around for a while and children all over the world appear to be winning the clash of unicorns versus eyeballs, so I’m not terribly worried. This isn’t exactly safety lawsuit territory. It is annoying, however, as a first time parent who already has a heightened sense of worry. Must we really add external anxiety to what we already put on ourselves?

Speaking of unicorns, why are they (almost?) exclusively marketed to girls?

There is nothing inherently feminine about unicorns mythologically speaking. From India to Russia to Greece and beyond, the myth of the unicorn ranges from fierce beast to gentle Christ-like symbol. The recent trotting across rainbows may perhaps be attributed to My Little Pony cartoons. It sure wasn’t a “girl’s only” creature when Scotland established it as their national animal. I’m honestly surprised to see unicorns assigned a gender specific market at all. Their majesty and power seems like it would be attractive to the male stereotype more than that of little girls.

I’m even more surprised there is no male equivalent. Girls rarely get anything of their own. It’s either a male version of something, a gender neutral offering, or a stereotypical female experience (easy bake ovens, etc). Unless I missed the aisle of rhinoceros toys currently marketed to boys, I don’t see an eye-poking equivalent. Hah! You thought we were over the eye-gouging detail… never!